The Start of my Journey

I'm a 45 year old morbidly obese woman with an Ileostomy.  The Ileostomy isn't my fault but the morbid obesity is.

I weighed 8lb 4oz when I was born and was always the biggest girl at school. At the age of 18 I was a dress size 14 and over the years I steadily put on weight. I gained 3.5 stone with both of my pregnancies and I didn't lose the baby weight afterwards.  I blame my weight gain on myself. I am a comfort eater with no will power and I'm lazy.  In the past, I've tried various diets including Weight Watchers and I've also taken slimming pills but I always put the weight back on again.

A few years ago, I despaired of ever losing weight naturally and decided to look at weight loss surgery.  My husband John was not very keen, having watched me go through major surgery twice before in March 2003 and March 2005.  His argument was, "It's bad enough going through surgeries that you need to save your life, why CHOOSE to have surgery?"

With his comments floating around in the back of my mind, I attended my first bariatric appointment at St. Georges in Tooting.  The Consultant that I saw was not very friendly.  Having spent a lot of time in hospital, a 'good bedside manner' is very important to me, so his general attitude immediately put me off.  He went through the general info regarding the surgery and told me that my Ileostomy would not be a problem.

He then asked if I would allow some students to be present during the rest of the appointment.  I agreed to this as I've always tried to help students in the past, but on this occasion, it was a huge mistake as he then asked me to strip to my underwear and proceeded to talk about me in a monotone voice, pointing out how obese I was and asking the students how the excess fat would impede things such as sex and general day to day chores around the house. I was close to tears when he began to poke and lift some of the fat to show the students the darker skin underneath. 

I didn't think my humiliation could get any worse but he then told me that he wanted some headless photos taken for his study into obesity and I had to stand and turn while a photographer took pictures of my folds of flab and flesh in a nice, brightly lit room.  My humiliation was complete when the photographer pointed out in a slightly interested voice, "Oh, you've got an Ileostomy - I can see the bag through your underwear."

My decision was easy, "I'll leave it for now thanks and try to lose the weight on my own."  Of course, being an emotional eater and feeling like I'd just been on a huge emotional roller coaster, I went home and stuffed myself stupid. 

It was an altogether horrible experience and one I vowed never to repeat.  However, a few years later, I had put on even more weight and not even a very embarrassing experience where I'd been asked to get off a ride at Thorpe Park because the bar wouldn't close over my gut, could give me the incentive to lose weight and exercise.  I realized that everyday chores were becoming more and more difficult, my knees and neck were killing me due to arthritis and I was borderline diabetic - it was time to give the surgery another try.

This time I did some research and spoke to other women who'd already had surgery.  the general consensus was, yes, there are pro's and cons to the surgery, but its changed our lives for the better.

So with a different attitude to the surgery from both myself and my husband, I requested an appointment and was again seen at St. Georges.  This time, everything was different.  My initial appointment was with a friendly registrar, the second with a dietitian who had a great sense of humour and my third with a kind psychiatrist.

I am now waiting for my surgery which is on 23rd August 2014 with an excited and determined attitude.  The day of my surgery is going to be the start of my new life and my chance to finally look and feel normal and healthy.